I saw this segment on the Steve Harvey show and it really resonated with me. I couldn't help but cry because that woman's words were mine not too long ago. Until a year ago on my birthday, when I wasn't expecting it, I finally found out I was pregnant.
Every single person who knows me will tell you how good I am with kids and they all love me. I have done my share of babysitting,
taught sunday school, put together a children's choir age 5 to 12, taught drums, worked after school programs and children's birthday parties. Everything I could do that involved kids I loved. I just loved being around them and couldn't wait to have mine one day. NEVER in all the possible disasters my life could bring I saw the possibility of not having children in the future. Listening to that woman brought me to tears because I knew exactly what she was feeling and I said the exact same words: What did I do to be punished like this? Why me? Those thoughts are the first to come to mind when things don't go as planned. And it is hard to see it differently. After all, everybody in your circle is having children with no issue so why is it different for you? What can YOU do to change this? What bargain, what promise can you make so God lifts this curse on you? (Because that's what it has to be right?) After trying, waiting, praying, crying, being angry, sad, depressed, confused, getting pregnant, losing the baby; getting even more depressed and angry, giving up, being mad about giving up, trying again and so much more, I can confirm what Giuliana is saying: it's not that I've done something wrong or God didn't love me. It wasn't the time and He had other things to work out before He gave me that beautiful baby girl to hold and cherish. If you are in this situation, there's nothing I can say that can ease that pain and that void you feel inside. I know that all you want to tell me is that I'm not in your situation anymore since I have a baby now. I'm not going to tell you how to fix it, there was nothing that fixed it for me than holding my sweet miracle in my arms. But I can tell you that I understand. And hang it there; you don't know what's coming at the corner. Yes it is completely cliché, but I really got pregnant when I wasn't expecting it. AT ALL. It was a total shock and such a beautiful birthday gift for me. I peed on so many sticks with the same negative results that when I saw the 2 lines, it almost didn't register and I was about to throw the test away when it dawned on me that it was possibly positive. I had to go get those digital testS that actually spell the word pregnant to really believe it. To you who is waiting anxiously for a plus on the test, a sign, or if you are tempted to give up; DON'T! Keep pushing, keep praying, keep trying, until there is nothing else that can humanly be done. Then, let God do the impossible. Also, don't be ashamed to talk about it, there are a lot more people in this situation than we think and the support is so important. I was ashamed and kept my struggles to myself and that made everything harder. When I opened up to a group of ladies from my church and they all started praying with me and encouraging me, it made all the difference. I really hope and pray that, whoever and wherever you are, if this is what your heart longs for, you get to hold your baby in your arms soon. Until then, reach out to a friend, a family member or me; make sure you don't go through this alone.
taught sunday school, put together a children's choir age 5 to 12, taught drums, worked after school programs and children's birthday parties. Everything I could do that involved kids I loved. I just loved being around them and couldn't wait to have mine one day. NEVER in all the possible disasters my life could bring I saw the possibility of not having children in the future. Listening to that woman brought me to tears because I knew exactly what she was feeling and I said the exact same words: What did I do to be punished like this? Why me? Those thoughts are the first to come to mind when things don't go as planned. And it is hard to see it differently. After all, everybody in your circle is having children with no issue so why is it different for you? What can YOU do to change this? What bargain, what promise can you make so God lifts this curse on you? (Because that's what it has to be right?) After trying, waiting, praying, crying, being angry, sad, depressed, confused, getting pregnant, losing the baby; getting even more depressed and angry, giving up, being mad about giving up, trying again and so much more, I can confirm what Giuliana is saying: it's not that I've done something wrong or God didn't love me. It wasn't the time and He had other things to work out before He gave me that beautiful baby girl to hold and cherish. If you are in this situation, there's nothing I can say that can ease that pain and that void you feel inside. I know that all you want to tell me is that I'm not in your situation anymore since I have a baby now. I'm not going to tell you how to fix it, there was nothing that fixed it for me than holding my sweet miracle in my arms. But I can tell you that I understand. And hang it there; you don't know what's coming at the corner. Yes it is completely cliché, but I really got pregnant when I wasn't expecting it. AT ALL. It was a total shock and such a beautiful birthday gift for me. I peed on so many sticks with the same negative results that when I saw the 2 lines, it almost didn't register and I was about to throw the test away when it dawned on me that it was possibly positive. I had to go get those digital testS that actually spell the word pregnant to really believe it. To you who is waiting anxiously for a plus on the test, a sign, or if you are tempted to give up; DON'T! Keep pushing, keep praying, keep trying, until there is nothing else that can humanly be done. Then, let God do the impossible. Also, don't be ashamed to talk about it, there are a lot more people in this situation than we think and the support is so important. I was ashamed and kept my struggles to myself and that made everything harder. When I opened up to a group of ladies from my church and they all started praying with me and encouraging me, it made all the difference. I really hope and pray that, whoever and wherever you are, if this is what your heart longs for, you get to hold your baby in your arms soon. Until then, reach out to a friend, a family member or me; make sure you don't go through this alone.
Have you struggled with getting pregnant? How did you get through it?
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